


Purr

by AlasPoorYorcake



Series: Culture Crash [1]
Category: LazyTown
Genre: Again Not As Gay As It Sounds, Awkward Half-fae, Gen, Happy Ending, It's Not That Gay, M/M, Okay It's Kinda Gay, Purring Elves, Someone Stop Me Before I Post This, Stuck In A Hole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 02:49:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12644607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlasPoorYorcake/pseuds/AlasPoorYorcake
Summary: Sportacus and Robbie, stuck in a hole. P-U-R-R-I-N-G. First comes purrs. Then comes trills. Then comes Stephanie with a rope thank jesus this was getting awkward sorry okay bye





	Purr

**Author's Note:**

> No excuse. No explanation. No revision. Just good ol' pre-relationship Sportarobbie with elven eccentricities and (really, really) stupid references.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own LazyTown. Or anything related. Except maybe that poster I got when I was five. ...Does that count?

* * *

Robbie Rotten was never one for reading.

Curling up in a soft chair with the glow of a single bulb as he sank into an alternate reality sounded great on paper. But the exhaustion that came with pushing through paragraphs and pages and chapters had pushed the task away from his list of idle pleasures.

Research was slightly different. Manuals, he was willing to wade through unnecessary vocabulary for. Those had a real, physical result.

Now, in the circumstances he was in, he couldn’t help but feel aggrieved. Surely he had a book on something like this somewhere. In fact, he was almost certain of it.

And if he ever got out of here, he was going to dig through his mound of books and read until his eyes popped out.

Correction: if _they_ ever got out of here.

_Here_ being an improperly placed, dark hole in the ground, _they_ being him and that insufferable blue elf. Shoving down unwanted, pre-dated memories of ‘claustrophobic-relief’ lessons was hard enough. The headache this entire situation _was_ and the ensuing after-aches were not helping.

Somehow, enduring a chatty, _still-enthusiastic_ elf and his flashing, noisy _crystal_ all at the same time was crossing too many lines at once.

“If you and that _bee-bee-beep_ -er don’t get _very_ quiet _very_ soon, Sporta-chat, I am going to make sure you have your own, _private_ hole in the ground, six feet under, _very_ _soon_ ,” Robbie growled, trying to force an oncoming headache out of his temples with his forefingers.

“Calling for help is our most likely chance for getting out of here quickly.” Oh. So that’s what he had been doing. _Not_ trying to strike up a pleasantly distracting conversation. “Are you feeling alright, Robbie?”

“ _Peachy_ ,” he shuddered, feeling blindly for the walls and trying to ground himself- hah, ground. That was funny. Was it? He couldn’t tell, there was too much noise around him. There was beating above them- footsteps, probably, of someone on the surface, but he couldn’t help but think it might have been his heart scaling the lining of his throat.

_Bad thought. Think something else._

Even against his closed eyelids, the spastic flash of color from Sporta-flop’s crystal brightened the space considerably- did he ever give people an epilepsy warning for that sucker? Closer, off to the side, there was a low rumble, like speech distorted by a long tube. The tips of his fingers suddenly felt very far away from his body, and his chest far too tight, and his ears too _loud-_

“Are you… _purring?_ ”

The words had escaped his mouth before he even registered their meaning, and by the expression on Sportacus’ face, their brains probably had similar processing speeds.

Robbie scrubbed a tired hand down his face to hide the mortification at his own stupidity.

“Stupid of me, it’s probably just a car on the surface… ” he said, while Sportacus spluttered, “Wha- _no!_ I- I don’t- of course _not!_ ”

There was an odd pause, where each digested the other’s words, and then another, longer pause where they both decided to ignore Sportacus’.

“We should focus on finding a way out of here,” the blue elf said, and if it wasn’t for the low lighting, Sportacus definitely would have been able to see the revolting grimace-of-over-eagerness hybrid Robbie’s face bred.

Small mercies, at least.

Speaking of small mercies, the crystal chose that time to take a power nap and leave them stranded, alone in the dark and without an annoying beeping soundtrack to lull them into comfort.

Robbie thought he heard Sportacus knocking on it a few times, but couldn’t have been certain he did- it was too dark to see even two inches in front of his face.

“The walls are soundproofed, but not the ceiling, so if one of us knocked on the trapdoor, we might be heard,” Robbie continued with a tighter voice, then swallowed his beating heart. “Don’t- freak out, but I’m gonna reach out to touch you, okay?”

“Why would I freak out?” Sportacus said, voice gravely, then gasped. “Um- o-on second thought, p-perhaps we shouldn’t- ”

It was too late. Robbie’s hand had met blue fabric, and had just so happened to find Sportacus’ chest.

His _rumbling_ chest.

“You _are_ purring!”

“No, I’m not!” Sportacus took a hasty step backwards, and almost yelped when he stumbled and hit the back wall. He breathed heavily for a moment, then said softer- as if to himself- “I’m _not_.”

Apparently, the elf found it fit to hide the obvious for as long as he could hide his face. And despite (alright, perhaps a little _because of_ ) the elf’s discomfort, Robbie couldn’t find it in him _not_ to be amused.

“If this is some sort of taboo elf thing, I assure you I won’t hold it against you, weird as it is,” he said, instead of laughing and saying, “You _purr?_ ”

A moment passed in relative silence, so Robbie schooled his features and tried to sound serious when he said, “I can’t promise I won’t occasionally attempt to exploit this… _weakness_ , however.”

And then, to Robbie’s utmost amusement and what must have been Sportacus’ complete shame, the rumbling noise got _louder_. There was a frantic movement, and when Sportacus stilled, his voice was the same soft, vulnerable tone. Strangely enough, Robbie felt his chest twinge with guilt.

“It’s not generally spoken about, especially when- ” he paused, tripping over his words- possibly the only thing he would ever truly trip over- and started up again. “Especially in public places. I would… _appreciate_ a little… discretion.”

And that sounded about right, but there was a nagging feeling in Robbie’s gut that that wasn’t _exactly_ how the elf had planned to finish that sentence. But he had started to feel that guilt sink in deep, so he let it go.

“Naturally,” Robbie said instead, and licked his lips. He was ready to _get out of here_ , sooner rather than later. This weird… whatever it was, was starting to make him itch uncomfortably. “Now that the eccentricities are out of the way, I don’t suppose there’s any way we could try again?”

“R-right, of course,” Sportacus’ voice gained a little confidence, and there was a shuffling noise. “Step onto my hands.”

A few grumbles, unsteady grips, and realization of a fear of any kind of _height_ later, Robbie had his knees against Sportacus’ vibrating chest and- more importantly- his hands skimming the trapdoor.

He kicked upward to get a better reach to knock on the door, but the elf gave a grunt below and Robbie had to spontaneously steady himself on the walls while he was repositioned.

Robbie tried again, but this time found himself a hand-length too short. He growled lowly. Why did he build this thing so deep?

Again, Robbie wiggled upward, pulling himself up using the walls and trying to find a foothold on Sportacus’ torso with his feet. Then all of a sudden the pressure on his legs dropped, and so did he, slipping through stiff arms, falling straight down in pitch black, no telling where the ground was, and he was going to hit any second now, _oh god-_

Sportacus re-caught him around the hips with an unnaturally tight grip, digging his fingernails painfully through the fabric of Robbie’s costume. But beyond the pain in his hips and the buzzing fear in the back of his head, there was something else so incredibly pertinent to the situation.

The purring had stopped. There was no deep rumbling noise, no vibration in his chest. No, now there was a _trill._ Robbie absentmindedly stuck a finger in his ear and back out again, but he wasn’t hallucinating, and there it was.

Sportacus was trilling, and instead of just his chest, now his entire _body_ was vibrating minutely. His hands on Robbie’s waist felt like a massage chair trying to rub out a particularly tough knot.

And, once again, it was- relatively- silent.

Then, Sportacus seemed to run out of- something, and he slowly let Robbie down to the floor. Dazed and more than a little uncomfortable- his archenemy and he were stuck in a hole underground and he was _trilling_ and _how did he ever find this funny_ \- Robbie cleared his suddenly unclear throat.

“O-kay,” Robbie said awkwardly, and kind of felt like stabbing himself in the face.

“I- ” Sportacus’ voice wavered, as if he was fighting back tears. Unable to deal with any kind of- of _that_ happening on top of _this_ , Robbie interrupted him.

“It’s fine.” He felt very distant from himself, using words that didn’t mean what he felt in such a… _confusing_ situation. “It’s just a little- ” _weird, intimate, uncomfortable, nice-_ “Loud.”

“Yes,” he said, and it suddenly occurred to Robbie that maybe the quiver in his voice was completely involuntary, regardless of emotion.

“You- are you up to- to trying again?” Robbie winced. Never had he been so glad to not be able to see the blue elf’s face. Or vice versa.

“Yes,” he repeated, tightly.

It was at that moment that heaven descended upon earth with an ominous creak and light filtered down into the hole, outlining the shape of a child’s head.

“Pinkie!” Robbie cried in utter relief and pure joy, throwing his hands up. “Well thank _god_.”

“Robbie Rotten! Is that you? Is Sportacus with you?”

“I’m here,” Sportacus said, and if it came out a little strangled, Robbie really couldn’t blame him.

Actually, taking another look at him, he looked worse than Robbie would have thought. The best word to describe him was probably- _bedraggled_. His cap was folded oddly, costume ruffled and littered with scuff marks from Robbie’s shoes. He was also shaking, almost violently. The trill was still ongoing, and when Sportacus looked up at Robbie- eyes red and puffy and he wasn’t going _anywhere near that territory_ \- it melted into a soft purr again.

“Well. Someone sounds happy to be rescued.”

The glare he was shot almost- almost made up for the weirdness with its familiarity, but Sportacus didn’t respond to him. “Stephanie! Go and find a rope!”

“A rope! Got it!”

Her head disappeared from the hole, and even more light filtered through. Robbie looked back at Sportacus in trepidation.

“I can lift you out of here,” he offered quietly, eyes back on the floor, “If you want to leave before the children get back.”

Robbie opened his mouth, then shut it with a click. It was a tempting offer. Leave Sportacus alone to deal with his humiliation, avoid humiliation in front of the children, and get the chance to feel the pleasant rumble of Sportacus’ chest against his legs again…

“I’ll stay,” he said, and meant it.

“Yes,” Sportacus said, and then, “You’re sure?”

“Of course,” Robbie made an attempt to sound as normal as possible. “It’ll take far less effort for you to pull me up than for me to crawl out by myself.”

“Right,” he said, not even having the decency to mask his sarcasm, as little as he could manage.

_Damn elf._

Then, again, silence reigned over the hole. Minutes passed in what felt like hours, and by the time Stephanie came back, Robbie was sitting on the floor and Sportacus was on his fifth round of crunches.

He seriously made this trap  _way_ too big.

“Sportacus! We got the rope!” The light was blocked by Stephanie’s head once more, but soon there was a whoosh and the tail end of a rope was tossed down. Sportacus gave Robbie one last glance- quick, so he couldn’t be certain if it was panicked or pleading- and began to climb the rope.

On the surface, Robbie could hear cheers and thank you’s and you’re welcome’s. Revolting.

“No, don’t worry, take your time,” Robbie crossed his arms and gazed upward. “Not like I’m _going_ anywhere.”

“Oh! Robbie!” Sportacus gasped, but now that Robbie was listening for it, it was easy to tell he hadn’t truly forgotten. _Wanted_ to, perhaps. “Alright, I’m sending the rope back down now!”

“Dandy,” Robbie glared at the object, grabbing hold of it with both hands and both feet and shutting his eyes. He took a deep breath. “I... okay, pull me up. Pull me up, pull me up!”

When he finally crawled over the edge of the hole, he opened his eyes and squinted into the light. God, what he wouldn’t do for a fat, creamy cake and a couple days of sleep right now.

“Thanks,” he muttered to the elf, then started to stalk off, paying no attention to the chattering children yelling his name in disdain.

“Hey- Robbie! Can I- can I speak with you a moment?” Sportacus called nervously, then turned to the kids, who were all scowling in Robbie’s general direction. “Run along, guys, I’ll catch up in a minute.”

Robbie didn’t walk back, instead letting Sportacus close the distance between them. He wasn’t purring anymore, and Robbie was almost too quick to point it out.

“You’re quieter,” he said, and then felt like an asshole.

“I’m sorry,” Sportacus blurted out, looking at him with the most painstakingly sincere gaze Robbie had ever seen. Uncomfortable, even after all of that, was one hell of an understatement. “I realize that for some people it may be... uncomfortable, and I never meant for you to find out. I must ask… can I trust that you will not tell the kids?”

Not tell the kids. Right. He wanted to say, “Tell them what, that you purr?” He wanted to say, “Depends. What’ll you give me in return?” He wanted to say, “Flip off, Sporta-purr, I’ll do what I want.”

Instead, he leaned down and said, “Well. Is telling the kids going to help me, in any way, run you out of town?”

For a moment, he could see a flash of something- _something_ in Sportacus’ eyes, but in the next moment it was gone, and he was standing tall and confident and absolutely not scared at all.

“No.”

“Then I see no further reason to mention it,” Robbie said bluntly, turned on his heel, and started to walk away. He got about three footsteps before Sportacus hailed him back.

“Wait, Robbie- ” When Robbie turned, he saw the elf had taken a step forward, arm outstretched, looking- dare he say it- _touched._ “Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Robbie waved him off, trying to squish the warm feeling in his chest and utterly failing. He only just managed to keep it from infecting his expression. “Just keep the noise down for a couple of hours. I’m trying to _read_.”

“Will do!” Sportacus laughed, and before Robbie could think that perhaps he should’ve asked for a bigger favor, the elf flipped away merrily. Twice. Over a wall. And two chairs.

“‘Flippity-flip-flop-flip,’” Robbie mocked unattractively to himself (complete with hand gestures). Then he set back off for his lair.

Once inside, he dove straight for his bookshelf, fingering the spine of every book until he found the one he was looking for. A-ha! He knew it.

_Elves And Their Eccentricities_ , _For The Average Fae_ by Glanni Glæpur.

He knew he had book about something like _him_ in here, somewhere.

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> cough cough
> 
> I've heard the kudos button purrs if you tickle it
> 
> cough cough


End file.
